Christina: [00:00:00] Welcome to the taking the lead podcast, where we empower people to be unstoppable. I'm Christina, Hapner with my co-host Leslie Hoskins and Timothy Cuneo. And today we're going to have a little bit of a shorter episode because we're going to chat about a topic that we've been asked about. But first I have to tell you guys something funny that happened the other day.
So my parents sometimes will call me. So we have this app. It's share locations, which is a little much. Um, but my dad, if like it gets turned off, he'll call me and be like, are you alive? I'm just calling to make sure it's more of a joke, but I'm always like dad, like I am an adult. Like I am alive just because you don't know my every move, but this app, you guys is nuts.
It will tell me. The last drive. Like my brother took how far he went, where he was going
Leslie: to be less than no speed limit they were going. It will tell me
Christina: that it's [00:01:00] crazy. The technology. I mean, we've talked about that stuff before, but. Even just, I mean, being able to share your location that easily with our people, I'm like, oh, can I go back to the old days where nobody knew where?
I mean, not that I go anywhere, but work at home, but like,
Leslie: that's so funny. You should mention that. Because actually today on my way here, my husband called me and he was like, where are. Like, what are you talking about? He's like, you're on the highway. And I was like, are you tracking? We like, we share each other's location.
So it's not like it's weird. But I was like, remember, I'm going to record the podcast. And he was like, oh my gosh, I thought I forgot you were going. I thought you were just running to target. Oh, my goodness. So I didn't realize, I guess how frequently he was doing well, it's funny
Christina: because like, if I'm meeting my family somewhere, sometimes I'll like, be like, oh, where are they at?
Are they close? Are they far? Where are they at? How much time do I have till I actually have to leave? But it's funny on this app too, you can put like you can name location. So like [00:02:00] my, um, home is named my parents' home, his name. So like, it will say. Christina is at her house. Gotcha. Yeah. It's it's, it's wild.
What these apps can do.
Timothy: I don't think I would like that. And then I wouldn't track anybody else. I just
Leslie: wouldn't like, I mean, I do like to look up and know like, if my parents are coming to visit, like how long until they get here, like yeah. Got to vacuum real quick. The beds. I gotta make sure everything's put
Christina: together.
Yeah. And there's like, find my phone or find my friends too. That's like one of the things, which that's not what we use, but, um, yeah, we should all be on find my friends. I'm just,
Leslie: if you imagined Christina had that power over, I'd be
Christina: like, Timothy, where you going? Where are
Leslie: you in glacier going? We lost a phone on a golf course one time.
And we were able to track it down and find it, which was really.
Timothy: Yeah, but then nobody can surprise you with a visit. So I don't think I would like that. I would like to have the surprise one [00:03:00] day someone shows up at your house.
Leslie: That's only if you're looking at it. I mean, I rarely look at it sometimes I'll look at it again to see where Brian's at.
Like, can you swing by and pick up, eats up on your way home? You know, like, can you get the kids or do I have to get 'em? So I can't say that I'm, you know, constantly looking where he's saying, but it is a nice feature to know that he's safe or
Christina: no, I would just love the calls I get from my dad being like.
So where, where
Leslie: are you?
So I dunno, it's fun. It is technology these days. So I guess we know Timothy, you're not tracking anybody.
Christina: Leslie and I are tracking everybody
Leslie: as far as, you know, we know exactly where you're at right now.
Uh, that's too funny, but you know what that goes into kind of one of the questions that we got and that we want to talk about today. How to, um, let's see, how do we want to say this? How do we encourage independent? So we know that family members can be very [00:04:00] over-protective like Christina, you were mentioning your dad's checking in on you.
The same. I get worried. You know, if I haven't heard from Brian, he should be home by now or things like that. You can imagine that it's stressful, especially for somebody who's maybe recently lost vision and their loved on is very concerned about them. So how does somebody say, you know what? I can do it.
I don't need you to hold my hand. I don't need you to go with me. I'm independent. I can get out there and do it myself. And that's kind of a question that we've been asked recently. So typically I'll let you, uh, go ahead and address it first. Any words of wisdom? I guess?
Timothy: Well, I can understand if you've got a loved one, as you know, when you lose your vision.
There to take care of you. And depending on how long it's been, since you've been the leader dog, you know, they may have, you know, lead you around for two or three or four years. And they know they they're used to it. And then all of a sudden, the person goes to leader, dog gets their cane skills or, or gets a guide dog.
And then they come back and they don't need them as much as they did before they [00:05:00] leave. And they feel low, kind of like an emptiness feeling, I guess. And, uh, they just need to, you know, it's not that they don't love you or need you anymore, but they went and got their independence. And I can't tell you how great that feeling is.
Knowing now that I don't, I can go anywhere. I need to, by myself, not saying I don't need anybody anymore, but now I, I feel like an adult. And it's, it's an empowering feeling. And if they say, Hey, I know, let me do this on my own. Don't take it personally is that's why they want the leader dogs so they can feel good about themselves.
They've been depending on somebody so long and now they can finally do it on their own.
Leslie: Absolutely. You know, I, when working with clients, get that question all the time. Like, you know, my, my husband or my wife, they won't let me go get the mail by myself. They're so worried. And that's understandable, you know, it it's a change for everybody and they don't fully understand what the person's going through and they want to help.
And so I [00:06:00] always recommend if we can get the loved one involved in training in some ways. So if they're local and they can come pick up a little early and we can go out and do a lesson together, I can talk about as an instructor, you know where to stand at an intersection so that they can be helpful if they need to, but also just kind of observed their loved one to being independent.
We can also talk about how to. Do human guide or how to help the client advocate for what kind of assistance they need. So if we can get that family member involved, I think that's really nice because another piece of that is showing the loved one, what their person can do. So getting out there and, you know, taking, uh, the person on a route and showing like, look your, your loved one now knows how to find a curb with their cane and stop.
And they know how to listen to the intersection to determine the best time to cross, you know, It's a small, small field sometimes in this world of blindness. And so not many people know that these skills can be done by someone who's [00:07:00] blind or visually impaired. And so being able to kind of show off those skills, I think has really helped.
Christina: Yeah. And I think I'm sure. Cause my parents still, you know, check in on me
Leslie: sometimes treat me
Christina: like I'm a child at times. Cause they say they will still always be my parents and I love them. They both listened to this. So if you're listening, I love you. Um, but I think too, you know, anyone can relate to that, um, time in their life where they need to be more independent.
And when they need to explain that. I guess, Timothy, I don't know if you have anything to add on this, but like, is it beneficial to have an open and honest conversation of like, this is what I want to do alone, but this is where you can support and you can still help me with things.
Timothy: Yeah. I mean, there's going to be times, like if I, if I'm out there with a cane, like my cruise that I had in February, I had to do a lot of sighted guide while on the cruise ship, but there was times where I [00:08:00] didn't need decided.
And so it's just, it is nothing's changed. It's changed just a little bit. Yes. I will need my spouse there to help me in certain areas, but let me experience the rest of the, what I can do for myself. Let me do that. And it's nothing it's empowering. It is so empowering for that person who is blind. I can't, it's just, it's a great feeling and I can't just be proud of them.
Be proud that they can do that and they they've improved their lives.
Leslie: And one thing I always like to suggest to, uh, to couples especially is set aside time when you're out running errands or traveling that is going to be practiced time and independent, you know, travel and then to distinguish separate time, like to just walk and hold hands and to just, you know, to kind of take that piece out of it.
So the. You know, when you're focused on, I want to build my skills. I want to be practicing. I'm going to really stop at curbs and myself, you know, all of these different things versus you're just out on a stroll together, and maybe you are holding [00:09:00] hands or using human guide or, or your loved one and you guys are chatting and they're taking on a little bit more of that orientation, mobility responsibility.
So kind of distinguishing when you're out. What, what kind of roles you're going to, you're going to have, I guess.
Christina: Yeah. And I know, um, we have. Students teenagers that sometimes will come to campus for some of your experience camp, I guess, Leslie, um, with your knowledge, what can you advice? Can you give to those parents who may be letting their kids go somewhere on their own for the
Leslie: first time?
Gosh, we get a lot of those phone calls from parents who are so nervous to send their, you know, their kid on a plane by themselves, maybe for the first. Ever further flight. Um, it can be incredibly nerve-wracking, but just what time of these, that it is so empowering. So once those kids do it and they do it successfully and independently, that lives with them and kind of burns this fuel so many times that they're like, I just traveled from Texas to Michigan.
Self I can do anything and it's true. They really [00:10:00] can. Um, and so it's, it's good for everybody and we walk them through every step of the way we talk through the airport. What's going to happen. What's going to happen after the plane and the baggage claim and, and everything. So we make sure everybody feels prepared and has contact information of whoever's going to be there.
But, um, At some point, you gotta let them go. And I, I say this as a parent now, and I think to myself, oh my gosh, that's crazy. Right. I don't know if I'm going to do that, but I know at some point it's just kind of like now my kids are foreign to. I think about, you know, um, letting them do little things by themselves.
So going and, um, getting like packages off the front step, you know, or, or little things like that are appropriate for them or deciding when to cross the street at our little neighborhood stop sign and all those little things. And it's it's little gradual steps, but we have to let them do it.
Christina: Yeah. I mean, but you can still track them.
You know, my parents.
Leslie: I, I, you know what I will absolutely be [00:11:00] tracking when that time comes, um, that there's lots of different things. And another thing too, is when you're out traveling, you know, it's a really good idea to take your loved ones with you the first couple of times, till you're really feeling confident in a route.
So, you know, Timothy, I'm sure if you're traveling to a new environment, it's nice to take your wife with you and just confirm what you maybe already know. Like this is a lighted intersection and then your wife would say yes, and now is the best. And she would confirm it and do that a couple of times. So that both of you feel competent together moving forward.
Yeah. They
Timothy: see successfully crossing the road and everything that gives them the confidence. Hey, this, my, my loved one has gotten the best training that there is. And I have confidence that they can do this safely on their own, and that will build their confidence in you too. So it's a team it's actually a, kind of like a teamwork together.
Leslie: Absolutely. And, and clients really do learn how to advocate for themselves and what type of independence is going to be best for them because [00:12:00] every individual is different and independence means a lot to different people. And so taking the time to really break it all down and just have those open and honest conversations.
And if leader dog can help in any way, call us, we're happy to talk through. Um, to different resources or conversations or explain to loved ones, you know, what techniques you're using and why? I think sometimes just having a basic understanding is really helpful. Yeah. And
Christina: Timothy, I love that. You said it's teamwork.
It really is. Even with advocating for yourself for independence, that other person has to be on your team on your side being like, okay, You can do this. I know you can, but I am here. If you need me, I am your backup goalie or whatever. It may be, whatever sport you're playing.
Timothy: Yep. Are there situations I can get myself into that I need, I need help.
And, and my, and my spouse was there to help me. And, and it's, like I said, it's a teamwork. There's things have changed just a little bit. And, uh, but you still love each [00:13:00] other and you can, you can go on. So just, just act like a team.
Leslie: Absolutely. And, you know, clients have come in and had really important questions like it.
You know, the husband may be still wants to be able to open the door for his wife, whether that be the door to the building or the car door, or does want to be able to hold hands, but still, you know, be independent and responsible. And those are really important things. Some people may brush that off, but it that's something that's important to, you will absolutely make it a priority.
We've practiced opening doors for, for others and for, um, helping somebody else into the car or getting the elevator and all those different things, because those are still important. Um, and we want to make sure that everybody is as independent as they want to be, and that their goals. Well, I hope that helps answer the question.
That was kind of a long answer to being open and honest, I think is what it comes down to and just having conversation.
Christina: Yeah. And it can be hard. And you know, maybe somebody who is going through that, where [00:14:00] they're trying to advocate, maybe this is a great podcast to say, Hey,
Leslie: let's listen to this
Christina: together.
And
Leslie: maybe it will help. Hopefully it does. I hope so too. But please keep sending in questions. If you have questions like this, or do you want to know about a certain situation or you want to ask Timothy's about his. Please do reach out. Cause we're happy to do that, but thank you everyone for listening to today's short episode of taking the lead.
I'm Leslie Hoskins with Timothy Cuneo and Christina Hapner and we hope you enjoyed it. And please do join us next week. As we dive into the world. And if you'd like to
Christina: learn more about applying to leader dog, you can head to leader, dog.org or call us at (888) 777-5332. And don't forget, you can ask us those questions and reach us@takingtheleadatleaderdog.org.
And if you like today's podcast, make sure to hit subscribe and check us out wherever podcast stream.[00:15:00]